My sleep is all fucked up. This seems to be common for me when I’m going through episodes of severe pain. And today I was dealing with horrendous back pain. I blame my furnace breaking right before sweet Akron Ohio … Continue reading
There’s a wild beast inside me that I’m trying to lay to rest. It misses the days of excessive drinking and pill popping and lines of Coke off bathroom counters. It’s trying to make me believe that I had wonderful times, I was the belle of the ball, and my hair looked lucious and shiny. I can feel the beast coursing through my veins making my body itch- giving me a terrible urge to scratch my porcelain skin until I free it from within. My hair was never shiny and I was no belle at any bar. But titos on the rocks with a lemon was so good. Face cringingly good. And all the Xanax and all the Vicodin, I can picture my hand throwing the blue and white poison into my mouth. Swallow it all down with the beer I’m drinking with the titos. Talk to a few random strangers – that aren’t really strangers because I’ve seen them out at a bar or somewhere before. And one of them knows someone I know, somehow. So when I’m invited into the unisex bathroom to blow a line up my nose to wake up – I go happily. Trying to figure out how many more drinks I’ll have to pay for myself for the rest of the night.
And then I think, “i read somewhere that every time you black out it’s a sign of your brain being flooded with alcohol. And the more you black out, the closer you are to never waking up again..”
My hand sits on my collar bone and I feel alone and scared. The beast is gone. That thought was the equivalent to hitting the beast over the head with a shovel.
I hate it when the beast comes around. And I hate what I have to think about to make it go away.
Ahh. Sober life.
Mom was on Vicodin. Well, mom was also on xanax. For 11 years. I wrote about being on xanax in my last post- and I brought it up because, while I struggle with pain and pain killers- I also struggled … Continue reading
I’m withdrawaling from cymbalta and haven’t had the energy to cook let alone eat. But today for some reason I woke up at 6am and had a small amount of energy. So I grabbed some chicken and spices and threw … Continue reading
Liked the idea of tricking your children into eating healthy? Me too. It’s why I do it all the time. I don’t lie to them about what they’re eating, but I do leave out pieces of the title of the … Continue reading
Originally posted on The Whole Earth Tilted and I Lost my Reason:
A positive mental outlook is essential. I’ve needed some reminders lately and I thought I’d share them! 💛? ??? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ??…
I’ve been going through Vicodin and yoga poses like whoa! lately. Not exactly a combination that people hear or admit to, probably ever. But I’m admitting to it. I wake up in the morning with such insane back pain that … Continue reading
I failed. I failed the first “I feel so good I must be shedding the fibromyalgia” test. Here I was, all happy and going about my days like the fibro had finally started to leave my body. I’ve been eating … Continue reading
For the past two weeks I’ve almost passed out at work, twice. The second time was Monday around 12:30pm. I’ve had a headache that has turned into a fucking migraine ever since.
Nothing has been helping it. Not ibuprofen, not Vicodin, not sleeping…
I went to the doctor and had a few tests done.
I come home only to lay down and sleep for three hours. I woke up sweaty and cold.
Lucky for me, my cousin brought me an eighth of gorilla glue.
I felt relief of this severe headache! Yes. Smoking a bowl helped.
So can we please just legalize marijuana in Ohio. There are so many of us that could use and appreciate a medicinal herb instead of pain pills.
One or two posts back, I wrote about making a “shit ton of smoothie bags” in an effort to shift my health. Yesterday I posted about how I trick my kids into consuming healthy goodness and today I’m posting about … Continue reading